the quitter in me
Yes, I did actually say it! The Chèré Couloir pushed me to my breaking point physically and mentally…
It started as a mellow morning, late breakfast. Then I started packing up some essentials because we were planning to spend two days on the glacier. I went to my favorite local bakery to grab lunch for later. I was at the Midi around 11 AM to get in line. Lovely sunny weather, and everything seemed perfect.
We were all geared up at the Midi by 12:30 PM and made our way to the Col. Our rucksacks were on the heavier side, so we decided to go to The Cosmiques hut to drop some stuff and make our way to the Couloir.
We reached one of Mont Blanc’s main summits, The north face of the Triangle du Tacul. A beautiful ice gully that never sees sunlight which is ideal for ice climbing in high altitudes, but! the risk of getting severe frostbite is significant in winter since it drops to almost -30°C.
After passing the crevasse that separates the glacier from the mountain, there is a steep snowy push to the starting point of the gully.
It started pretty easily, and the angle varied between 60° to 80° for six pitches, but I instantly felt the cold!
As I kept going for the first couple of pitches, I was not feeling my fingers which freaked me out. I was struggling with maintaining my body temperature, especially with long pitches. The belayer always gets the worst of it due to lack of movement.
Around the 3rd pitch, I was like, man, I had enough. I can’t do that anymore! I was freezing and exhausted, mentally not ok. It was just awful! I made up my mind as I got to the anchor point.
So I told John, mate, I’m done. I can’t do it anymore… I’m not feeling it. My head is just not in the game.
It was one of those moments when I couldn’t push myself anymore. I think there is a certain degree of cold that really throws you off balance and makes you feel mentally incapable, and you start to overlook simple things.
We took a breather on that anchor point, Checked my gear to re-evaluate the situation, changed my gloves, and added an extra layer to maintain my core’s temperature. John suggested we do one last pitch and see how I feel. Then we call it a day.
I had put more effort into moving my extremities while belaying, and things started to look better! I was getting in a better mood, feeling warmer, and climbed faster!
Sometimes we get so consumed by the stress and focus of climbing that we forget to stop and appreciate our super-human abilities in conquering such harsh terrain.
Looking back at the Aiguille du Midi put me in a state of awe, emotionally conflicted! The view looked so serene and beautiful, but the climber in me knew how ferocious this environment could get.
Crossing glaciers isn’t as simple as just walking on them! It’s more complex than that. There have been decades of trial and error and so many loss of lives to perfect the way of navigating on those treacherous grounds. Yet, we are far from knowing when our next footing will be a 20-meter-deep crevasse! Many variables that could be disastrous and cannot be predicted are in play.
After that melodrama, I found my flow again and started climbing proficiently, my body was warm enough, and I was preserving energy by merely clicking and hooking my ice axe instead of power swings. My brain started working again, and we managed to finish the climb as planned.
Belaying on a multi-pitch climb is tricky. We had to be swift in anchoring and rope stacking for the next pitch to avoid other climbers while being aware of ice fall and other ropes. That’s why I got into alpine climbing. It keeps you on high alert, constantly thinking ahead and aware of your moves in an uncontrolled environment. Think of it as a test to see if you can work under pressure or not!
We abseiled down just fine, packed and made our way to the Cosmiques hut to spend the night there to acclimatize and start the climb early on the next day.
It took us a little over an hour to reach the hut, and after a long cold day, The cup of tea I had felt like a luxury! That’s the beauty of suffering in the mountains. It makes you appreciate the little things we take for granted in our daily lives.
I spent my afternoon on the terrace, capturing that beautiful sunset while conversing with random people from different backgrounds who share the same love and passion for the mountains while waiting for dinner.
What I learned from The Chèré Coulior is that no matter how capable and strong you think you are, The mountains will easily break you! But the people you choose to climb with can either be the spark to re-ignite the fire within you or weigh you down and hinder your progress.
John could’ve said sure, man, let’s go down when I told him I was done, but instead, he chose to raise the bar higher without making me feel pressured.
Choosing the right person to get into a new skill will dictate how steep the learning curve will be.